Monday, December 5, 2011

1st month in.

As far as the relationship goes... it's been awkward. Then as soon as we started to feel a touch more comfortable, I came across evidence (most of which was openly displayed - like phone numbers saved in our cordless' phonebook) of him cheating. He swears he didn't actually follow through with all the vulgar and sexual things I read with my own two eyes, but it's really hard to believe considering he lied about everything until I displayed the evidence. Then his tune changed. So, what? How am I supposed to believe a word he says? How am I supposed to believe he didn't have physical relationships with these girls? Regardless if he didn't follow through, he had emotional and mental relationships with these females for the majority of the time he was here. I don't know. I feel like he must have physically cheated (going by what I read) but the only way he will tell me is if I actually walked in on him with his dick in their rotten vaginas.

I just wish he had been a man enough to A: act like a married man and B: if he absolutely couldn't resist all the temptation (that of which he went looking for! one girl he met at a club over an hour away from post) then fucking tell me. He should have told me so I wouldn't have stressed out about getting over here for so long, day in and day out, while taking care of OUR son and juggling my sanity. He should have told me so I could have just stayed stateside.

But here I am, still. I just discovered all these things within this past week, so I have yet to really even collect all of my thoughts to decide what I'm going to do. I feel shattered, broken.. so hurt, so betrayed.. furious!! I can't even look at him the same. And can you ever? Is it ever possible to see someone you dedicated your life to who hurt you so bad, without a care.. for so long.. is it ever possible to see them the same?

Where does a broken heart go from here?
I wish someone could tell me...


Isabelle said...

I'm sorry girl. Men are such assholes. I currently live with one too and am questioning whether or not I made the right decision marrying this boy.

BraceFace87 said...

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It's so hard when you open yourself to truly and whole heartedly trusting someone especially when you are married and have a child together. Like you said, I wouldn't be able to trust someone who had cheated, ever again and I don't blame you for all of your anger and feelings. I wish you the best, follow your heart!

HeWearsCombatBoots said...

Just wanted to see how you are. Please post an update! You are in my prayers.