Monday, December 5, 2011

1st month in.

As far as the relationship goes... it's been awkward. Then as soon as we started to feel a touch more comfortable, I came across evidence (most of which was openly displayed - like phone numbers saved in our cordless' phonebook) of him cheating. He swears he didn't actually follow through with all the vulgar and sexual things I read with my own two eyes, but it's really hard to believe considering he lied about everything until I displayed the evidence. Then his tune changed. So, what? How am I supposed to believe a word he says? How am I supposed to believe he didn't have physical relationships with these girls? Regardless if he didn't follow through, he had emotional and mental relationships with these females for the majority of the time he was here. I don't know. I feel like he must have physically cheated (going by what I read) but the only way he will tell me is if I actually walked in on him with his dick in their rotten vaginas.

I just wish he had been a man enough to A: act like a married man and B: if he absolutely couldn't resist all the temptation (that of which he went looking for! one girl he met at a club over an hour away from post) then fucking tell me. He should have told me so I wouldn't have stressed out about getting over here for so long, day in and day out, while taking care of OUR son and juggling my sanity. He should have told me so I could have just stayed stateside.

But here I am, still. I just discovered all these things within this past week, so I have yet to really even collect all of my thoughts to decide what I'm going to do. I feel shattered, broken.. so hurt, so betrayed.. furious!! I can't even look at him the same. And can you ever? Is it ever possible to see someone you dedicated your life to who hurt you so bad, without a care.. for so long.. is it ever possible to see them the same?

Where does a broken heart go from here?
I wish someone could tell me...

Friday, November 25, 2011

I made it!!!

First PCS: Mission accomplished! WOO!!!

After months of paperwork, dealing with packing and shipping things off, etc etc etc... we finally made it to Europe!

First impressions have not been so great, but I'm usually more on the positive side so I'm going to give it a little time before judging too harshly. I've overcome a few difficult moments of homesickness, especially during the holiday festivities... but I am fortunate enough that a wife of another soldier from my hub's company arrived a week before me with her two toddler's AND they live directly across the street! We're pretty much BFF's, and our boys love having each other to kick it with. Winninnnnng. =)

SO, of course I had to arrive right before the Christmas formals.. what to wear, where to shop, all that good stuff is the worry now. Advice, please? One is supposedly semi-formal .....but I really don't want to show up overdressed, and especially not underdressed. What's a girl to do? Help! lol

Anyway.. I've had an eventful night including a trip to the hospital for one of my son's little buddies from across the street. I must post a picture of the staircase of death. Seriously it's a nightmare with clumsy, curious, adventurous toddlers. The hospital was really nice with a badass three story play area for the kids.. however, at the first hospital (the closest) she went to.... the doctor couldn't even figure out how to turn on his flashlight. And the nurses were rocking serious old school style scrubs.. the white fitted dresses, white heels, the little hats. And it appeared to be a home from the outside. Ahhh!!! LOL Weisden's children's clinic was much bigger, nicer, more advanced. I'm glad we know where the hospital is and all but it's unfortunate we had to learn under those circumstances. He's fine, though.. concussion, huge goose egg on his forehead but he's with it and stable.

Anyway, with that being said... time for some rest! I'll be in better touch from here on, though! =)

w/ LOVE♥

Friday, September 30, 2011

What happened to romance!?

Granted, it can be awfully difficult to be romantic when you are miles and an ocean apart... but what's wrong with communicating romantically? With all the ups, downs, & run arounds of marriage... would a cupcake KILL YOU!? LOL =)

I read an article about whether "Romantic Love" opens the door to a happy marriage...

Basically, the author reported that ...nah, not really. lol

The author describes romantic love as some sort of fraud, that young people develop these high expectations (unrealistic and just straight up expecting too much) of Juliet or Romeo and will forever be disappointed, that romantic love is infatuous not truly affectionate, and so on......... Okay, so, choose your mate carefully; open the blinds of that new, romantic love feeling before signing your name on the dotted line. I get that & all... but regardless of what studies are done, what the statistics are -- I say, why the hell not!? WHY NOT have high expectations.. are modern members of this society undeserving of romance; of butterflies & blushing?? As for fraud.. personally, I don't think I should even start on what I consider fraudalent in this country. Of anything, love -romantic or not- is nearly the least at this point. From experience, I feel like infatuation is a step on the staircase of development - infatuation keeps you warm at night until you make it to true affection. &I know everyone has heard it before or felt it at some point after you've been with someone for a while so I say the only thing disappointing when you have made these oh so cautious decisions and strutted it down the aisle, said "I do" & all that good stuff... is the lack of "romantic love" afterwards, &its continued absence as time goes on. (Well, for some, until the "I bagged you years ago,so you're mine" blinds over your eyes are opened.) If you didn't experience "romantic love" at the beginning... well, you may never. For experience sake - WHY NOT, I say. =)

Expecting poetry, love songs & a long walk along the beach, ladies. =) LOL

w/ LOVE♥

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


The day after my last post (when I was feeling pretty down & alone..& everything seemed to pull at my heart strings).. my husband called me on Skype & told me he had three things to tell me.
He said,
"1.) I love you.
2.) [use your imagination & insert something inappropriate & perverted here]

(they may be soldiers, look mighty prim and proper in those dress blues... but they are still MEN! lol *shrug* Ladies, we can dress 'em up, but can't take them ANYWHERE! lol)
and 3.) You're coming to Germany!! My new orders are cut, and you two are on them!"

Okay, [insert double front handsprings here], can you say EXCITED!?!?
Suuuuure, I still have to rummage through the storage shed & organize, clean up, get rid of some things... and my car windshield has a pretty crack I have to get fixed before it can be shipped... but that's what yard sales & warranties are for! LOL =)
If everything goes smoothly (Oh please Lord, please please please!! Please go smoothly!! we should definitely be there before October! =D I mean, he already has the keys to our new temporary house!!! I honestly don't know how else to express the enormous level of excitement I'm feeling right, maybe I should just bounce around the house & furiously bang on these keys during the split second I am bouncing past them!? LOL
Yes, I am THAT excited and not a hint ashamed. lol
Thank you for all the positive feedback, words of encouragement & huge amount of moral support from everyone in my life.. including you wonderful, amazing blogger friends! Thank you!!


Friday, September 9, 2011

It's you I miss.

I know there are hundreds & thousands of people who feel like this at times, especially those who are involved in the service somehow. I know this subject has been touched and hit with the hammer numerous times, so why am I even writing about this? Well. I just can't shake this feeling.. like there is a hole in my chest, and I can just barely breathe. I feel sick to my stomach, and have to force myself to eat sometimes. Sleep comes with difficulty.. mostly consisting of lying in bed, thinking of what it once felt like for him to be there. He'd be cracking jokes, doing silly things, he'd climb in bed next to me & no matter how fit and strong and muscular... it always feels so soft & gentle in his arms. My face would be bare with no makeup, my hair a haystack.. and he'd still look me in my eye, and tell me with sincere honesty how truly beautiful I am. Why do we take things for granted so much? I always considered myself a pretty appreciative and grateful person... yet still, I take things and people for granted. I miss him so much, it makes my whole body ache. ♥